So now he's not coming to her birthday party.
From: John P
Date: Mon, Apr 14, 2008 at 8:49 AM
Subject: Kids Parties
To: MirandaI think I am going to have private birthday parties for the kids at my house... As far as what you do, I think it is best that you plan, fund, deliver etc... on your private end.I do not want to repeat Chucky's last year... I will not attend anything you throw, for reasons of avoiding conflict...John "
Last year, at Nate's birthday party (which we had at Chuck E Chees), asshat came and minded his p's & q's until the very end. We ended up having words right before he left where he pushed his finger into my chest and pointed the kids baseball bat we used for the pinata at me in a threatening way. I told him if he didn't stop I'd call the police. A couple weeks later he pushed me into a wall in front of the kids and I did file a police report.
Yeah, I don't want to "repeat Chucky's" again this year either. And I am sure the kids don't as well.
Thing is, I have Jenna for her actual birthday weekend. We are going to have an awesome skating party for her big SIX. All her friends from school and the ones from our nieghborhood will be there. I am curious to know who John will invite to his house? He doesn't know any of Jenna's friends. And he doesn't have much family here. I'll be curious to see what Jenna says about it.
The kids genuinely don't even want to go to his house anymore and it makes me sad for him (as much as I despise him). He asked to take them to church on Sunday morning. I agreed, but Jenna outright refused. Had zero desire to go.
He called later on Sunday and bribed them with some activities this coming weekend to ensure they would want to come to his house for weekend visitation. I promise that I am encouraging them to go, but he's doing such a shitty job of bonding with them, they are not motivated to spend time with him.
All I can do is bite my tongue and watch it play out.
Comments
Or how about a better idea:
Why doesnt he just man the eff up?
Even if you do start something (which I doubt you would), he needs to learn how to deal with it. The big players know how to be cordial with their enemies in social situations.
And this should be especially true when children are involved.
i feel for you - and your kids. i don't have much sympathy for your ex, really, since he clearly can't figure out how to be parent. don't get me wrong - i don't wish a bad parent-child relationship on anyone, but he seems to be f**king this up mastefully all on his own. and there's no good way to force kids to do what they don't want to do, especially at the risk of their emotional stability. i hope that when they're older, they can best determine what relationship (if any) they want to have with their father.
oh, and jenna' bday party sounds super-fun! i still remember MY skating birthday parties ....
I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for the kids. Kiddo's father is a douchebag as well, and she absolutely hates him. We're fortunate to have Lovey in our lives.
Be strong and keep on the path that you're on. Don't badmouth him and encourage them to see him. It sounds as though Jenna has made a decision already. (Girls are so much more advanced than boys at every age. :-) ) The only thing you can do is neutrally let them make their own decisions. It will be rough on everyone for a while, but you WILL make it through.
Hang in there!
Maybe he just intends to have a quiet birthday dinner/lunch just him your kids and his g/f....?
Perhaps it is better that he doesn't show for the birthday if things are still tense. It will make for a more enjoyable time, perhaps in time he will be able to put aside his differences and you can all enjoy the kids celebrations together.
I guess if he has to bribe the kids just so they will go, in time they might associate going to visit their dad as "fun" -- that is of course if things go to plan and nothing goes wrong. Yes it is hard to "force" your children to go and see their father, but you need to be strong - he is their father - hopefully he is not abusive to them - and maybe....just maybe...one day he will grow up.
Ugh. Douchbag. Why can't some people just grow the fuck up? I had a friend who was this same kind of person and it took his girlfriend calling the police to make him stop that shit. Sounds like he just needs a good ass-whoopin.
Kids know the deal, you can't fool them for long. My wife wanted to bad mouth her ex but I wouldn't let her. The kids found out all on their own. Just feel sorry for the kids, yours and mine. Goes to show, some people are just sperm donors, some people are Fathers...
You know, it saddens me that he can't put whatever hatred aside so that he can give the kids two parents in one day. I'm sure when you invited him, you were quite aware that you did not want a repeat of last year as well but you were willing to be adult about the situation and put your childs needs ahead of your own, which really, is what being a parent is about.
I'm sorry your daughter doesn't want to go there. I never missed a weekend with my dad and eventually moved in with him because he was so wonderful at focusing on me when he was with me, so it doesn't have to be about bribing a child to go. Really, if he got to know his daughter and son, they would want to go there because they loved their dad. Right now, it's so sad that they're learning so very young that their father will never measure up to what they need...
I'm so glad they have YOU Miranda to protect and make up for what their father lacks!
Maybe. But most 6 year old want their dad at their 'party' with their friend... not into the quiet dinner thing with just adults and a brother you know? I know my girl and she is going to be disappointed. She is very sensitive and mature, and I think it's a bad decision on asshats part. His choice though.
And no, he's not PHYSICALLY abusive to them (that I know of. He did spank Nate with a wooden spoon one day and I didn't agree with that). But he's verbally abuse and neglectful when they are there, which is almost as bad if you ask me. I could list all day the stupid decisions he makes when it comes to them. But I don't have any control unless their life is truly endanger. Proving their mental and emotional stability is in danger is much harder to do.
i think that your beautiful kids are so lucky that they have you... you are a wonderful mom.
and if he doesn't want a repeat of what happened last year, shouldn't he just suck it up and learn how to behave himself??? sheesh. i don't understand him at all...
i hope that the kids don't take this too hard and they are happy on their birthdays. :)
It also means you're doing an awesome job as mom-in-charge.
He doesn't want a repeat of last year?? Isn't that BIG of him. ;-)